What I Carry
TL;DR: For real, though.
Originally Written: 13-Feb-2023
Word Count: ###
Read Time: ## minutes
Hey there, it's me!
Back like never before, you see?
I'm here to let you know something.
You are amazing, you are special, you are important.
I love you mom, do you believe me this time?
Would you believe me if I told you it was fine?
Would you think that I'm just telling the same old lies?
I know I've been bad, but I promise I'll be good.
Good is all I want to be if good is what you want me to be.
Please love me, please.
Please don't yell at me, please don't scream.
Please don't tell me I'm the worst thing you've seen.
A narcissist, that's what I am.
To be sorry, mom, is all I can.
I'm trying mom, I swear, it's true.
But there's something I need you to know, stay tuned.
Please don't kill yourself.
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Pretty please, I promise I'll mop.
I guess what I'm saying is I am trying to love you.
Love you in the way that you want me to love you.
Love you like you'd love for me to love you.
Maybe even love you enough so you love you.
I hope you do, mom.
Otherwise, I want you to know, I love you.
I love you no matter the circumstance.
I love you no matter the cause.
No matter the excuses, no matter the claws, none of it matters.
None of it matters when I can't have you.
Can't you have me?
I have wanted you.
But I'm sorry mom, for this is the last.
Last time I'm going to give this a chance.
Please don't kill yourself. Please, oh please.
Don't leave me yet, please find your peace.
I love you mom, won't you believe?
All the places that one can be?
Come out of that pit, I know it is cruel.
But there's so much more for you, it's true.
One step, little by little, we will get there in time.
Maybe this time, you'll call me mine.