TL;DR: You probably think this essay is about you, don't you (don't you).
Originally Written: 15-Nov-2021
Word Count: 478
Read Time: 2 minutes
Part of what makes anything meaningful, in any context, is something to partner it.
You can say a lot about a person if you look at who their enemies are.
In fact, you can learn a lot about a person if you make friends with their enemies.
Otherwise, when we view those who have the ability to offer us feedback as sources of affirmation, we learn what our sources are for overcoming our own resistances and, therefore, exerting our will.
What I'm getting at, is, we are all narcissists.
Now, let me explain.
Narcissism is defined as having selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
On a base level, all humans are narcissistic. We all have a non-zero degree of selfishness, can sometimes display behaviors quite lacking in empathy, and can have a need for admiration at times.
But, girl, does one's ego must need some attention if it is pronounced plainly enough for a multitude to be able to nod their heads in agreement.
For me, my narcissism takes its form in my life when I find I am not getting the kind of attention I want. Note how I said the kind of attention I want and not whether or not I got attention in the first place.
There's something to be said about such narcissistic defenses, but there's something to be said about at least being aware of it.
What I'm trying to say here is, to a point, we are agreeable and well-meaning people.
I know I try to be kind. So kind, in fact, I can be a total jerk through my intentions of being kind.
As a well-meaning empath, I find it impossible not to reflect how I'm seeing others feel in totality.
I can't help it. I'm aware of it at least, so I try to manage it.
Other times, I find it necessary to the cause of creating something better in myself or another.
So what do I have to say today?
At times, we can be a little full of ourselves. Too focused on 'us' and our own game.
Ever see someone on Facebook or Instagram get a little too happy with their posting frequency?
You know what I'm talking about.
So caught up in their own hype they don't see it for what it is - a front?
Fronts are interesting and there is something to be said about the back-end of a clean front-end.
It's one thing to be happy with your life. It's another thing to feel the need to prove you're happy.
It's an even other thing to feel like your life is being watched so much so you feel pressure to be happy.
When we get caught up in how something looks, we can sometimes lose the meaning of a moment.
When we get caught up in the meaning of a moment, we can sometimes forget about its beauty.
What I'm trying to say is that sometimes it takes an entire essay just to say something simple.
For, if one prioritized honesty, I would just call you an asshole. A jerk, no less.
And yet, if one prioritized artistry, I would write a novella alluding to the subject as a metaphor alone.
But one can only put so much context in front of you in order for you to see yourself clearly.
My words have meaning and the meaning of my words is not meant to be plain.
Perhaps I do not think your ego could handle it all at once.
So, instead, I will draw forms and shapes for you to fill in on your own; an outline.
Maybe then, when it is filled in, will you see the picture more plainly.
Artists are masters of taking pieces of the universe and presenting them in ways that give meaning.
With that, you can call me as I am.
Sure as hell ain't direct, but I can sure make an art out of being indirect.
Might as well call a spade a spade.
Or a jerk a jerk.
Cheers ... or... as you taught me ... Prost! 🍻👀