TL;DR: Our Default Mode Network is a well-paved highway toward contentment. Sometimes we need to pave new roads, however.
Originally Written: 21-Mar-2020
Word Count: 494
Read Time: 1.6 minutes
Nothing helps us escape the awkwardness of the current moment quite like grabbing your phone and finding an excuse to be sucked up into the light of its screen.
The behaviors we exhibit when experiencing social anxiety perpetuate the more we choose them.
If you do something that helps you effectively escape the impact of experiencing a fear, then you have found a behavior that will become what you default to when facing such moments again.
You create yourself an out. But taking this out has a consequence of limiting your ability to deal with the issue or fear when that out isn’t readily available.
When your crutches are all gone, are you able to stand on your own two feet?
As it would turn out, being glued to a screen to pass your time can cause you to become ineffective at communicating directly with others, let alone navigate social stumbles with poise and grace.
The reason we only ever look to distract ourselves from the present is if we are not feeling a certain degree of contentment with the situation.
Nothing looks more helpless than a person trying to escape small talk, but we all have our likes and dislikes and frankly I would much rather observe a moment than gab within it.
There is something to take in at all times that we fail to see when we are busy actualizing our intentions. When we have our attention focused on achieving a matter, it is easy to become blind to what is plain to see when we reach for ineffective means for coping with a situation. Maybe it’s social media, or pot, or Netflix binges. Maybe it’s less healthy. Maybe it’s too healthy. Whatever the levers, we are all trying to maintain adequate levels of dopamine and serotonin at any given time.
When we depend on certain levers to get us through a situation and they are not available for us to pull, panic ensues. Our egos like to rely on what methods have worked in the past and becoming reliant on getting what you want by the same means can result in outcomes that will not always be positive.
Sometimes what we want most is what we wind up losing as a result of wanting it too much.
Sometimes what we want is what we get.
Sometimes what we don’t want is what we get.
Sometimes what we want least we wind up getting as a result of avoiding it too much.
If you try to avoid awkward situations, you will inevitably create awkward situations that you then don’t have the tools or practice to survive with your pride still intact.
Tools are meant to make it easier to accomplish something, but there isn’t anything out there that can help you master your ability to connect with others than trying to in the first place and trying again when it gets awkward.
That’s all we can do, why expect anything more from ourselves than that?