Your True North
Originally Written: DD-Mmm-YYYY
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Learn Your True North
Everyone has a cause through which their minds will bend their earth and will into ensuring is created or preserved.
Understanding how we truly want to feel in life is how we see more of what you want for ourselves during the dire situations we encounter.
We all want to be recognized for what we care about, but what we often miss out on is that no one will recognize you more than we can ourselves.
Live By Your True North
I came out when I was 19 as gay. I think I knew I was at 7.
One impact of this utter falsehood of character for 12 years was the loss of the feeling of a truly authentic childhood.
Imposter syndrome is something I have experienced with many of my own successes.
Perhaps due to the fact they are just to compensate for my shame.
My experiences in the world taught me I was already worth shitting on for what people thought of me.
That I surely wouldn’t matter as a human being if I was gay.
I grew up around people who I knew to be closeted and were the most vocal of how sinful being gay was.
Damaging as fuck. To imply like I was too mentally weak to avoid what everyone claimed to a mere succumbing to the devil.
Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Christians.
I was obsessed with being a 'good' person, at least by doing right by others, but overcompensated for every mistake I made as a result.
A human pinball.
I was overtly kind to others because I knew many of the people I was helping would outright hate me without knowing any other detail about me.
It was like I was trying to prove myself worthy of being treated with kindness and compassion.
My biggest fear in life was being seen for who I really was, who I am, by a society that deems me invalid and out of scope of the current paradigm of what is allowed for you to be happy in life. Which is to say, life is very heter normative and there is no escaping it.
I never once asked myself what I thought of myself first.
I never once asked myself if some of the data I was getting from people was corrupted and, having worked with many computer systems and databases, accurate data is only as accurate as the time the reading is taken and context through which it is evaluated and underscored.
People can observe behaviors, but they cannot make determinations about who another person is.
Only that can come from the source.